nineveh_uk (nineveh_uk) wrote,
nineveh_uk
nineveh_uk

On putting together flat-pack furniture (King James Version)

Let us praise Ikea. Let us praise it even to the skies.

For its instructions are as clear water. Yea, clear even as the recipes of Delia Smith are the instructions of Ikea in comparison with other flat-pack furniture instructions.

For they have pictures.

For they do not involve glue.

For they do not involve 10 different types of screw which are visually almost indistinguishable, and yet vitally different.

Also it doesn't do really weird things with drawers, yea, even really weird things with drawers it does not do.

This screw plug thing for which I do not know the word is even as the screw plug things of Ikea, and yet it is inferior. It is an inferior copy screw plug thing.

If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning, I'd hammer in the evening, all over this land.

I have a hammer, but I cannot find it. I hammer with the butt of a Phillips screwdriver.

My hands ache with the use of a Phillips screwdriver. I shall go forth and buy an electric one, but not this day.

The head of the screwdriver is magnetic, even so does it attract the screws, though it helps not in the screwing.

What shall we do in the days of a half-built cabinet? I shall complete it, and wait not for my mother to come and do it for me.

Though she is the Da Vinci of flat-pack furniture.

Though the instructions were written without user-friendliness,

Hear these my words on the day of flat-pack furniture.
Tags: real life
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