nineveh_uk (nineveh_uk) wrote,

Oh God, I am in agony

Laugh if you must - I have. Or sort of grimaced. I cannot walk without wincing. Stairs are a horror. The act of moving from a sitting to a standing position or vice versa is truly grim and requires levering myself up by my arms. I am in the sort of physical pain usually associated with extreme runners after a week of extreme running from lions. My thigh muscles, particularly all of the ones in the front*, hate me and have entered negotiations to leave me for any other body that will take them. My other muscles aren't that thrilled with me, either, but are not quite so furious.

How did this happen, you ask me. Let me explain.

I did an exercise video.

The story is as follows. I am a reasonably fit person when it comes to stamina. When not laid low with plague I could happily get up tomorrow** and walk 20 miles without a twinge, assuming I had decent shoes on and it wasn't all a 1 in 3 uphill. But after a couple of years of not being terribly well, my cardio-vascular fitness isn't what it might be, and my generally rubbish upper body strength is even more rubbish than usual.

I decided that this needed to be remedied. However, it is the middle of winter. The weather is foul. There's no way I have the motivation to go running regularly. I am too mean to fork out for the gym more than once ever few months. Aha! I thought, buy an exercise video. 20 minute bursts, I might actually be bothered to do that. I can even do it in bare feet, thus promoting balance.

So I did. And it turns out that my muscles do seem to have got a fairly good work out, if the pain is anything to go by. It wasn't a problem at the time. It's just that I woke up this morning and I can't move any more.

On the plus side, I understand that the agony really is proof that it's worked, because the muscle damage that it is symptomatic of is allegedly building better muscle. If that's the case, I feel I ought to look like Miss Universe.

It is not too bad. I haven't actually strained anything, it's just a fit of physical pique, and it will pass soon. But please could it do so by tomorrow morning.

*I always assumed you just have a couple of biggish muscles in the thighs, but it turns out there are lots of small ones instead. See, pain is educational.

**Not actually tomorrow. I could have on Saturday.
Tags: real life
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