Why is my computer shutting down mysteriously?
Aargh! My computer has a virus(es)!
Oh noes! The virus is preventing the anti-virus working.
Now it is preventing Windows from opening at all.
Stagger in to work to attend meeting, as the prospect of someone else doing it and not being in control of the result is too horrific to contemplate.
Way home from work: visit University Computer Services helpdesk.
Spend 90 minutes whilst Russian bloke gets ever more intrigued, as various approaches fail.
Sent home with disc: "Use this, and if it doesn't work, save everything and re-install."
Oh joy! Cold has gone to my chest.
Insert disc, hope for the best.
Four hours, thirty minutes, forty-three seconds later: software has pwned virus. Hopefully.
Manage to start computer again. Looks OK.
Download new anti-virus from university website. Hope that with new spyware as off last night, this will work in future.
Moral: just because you think your anti-virus is up-to-date, doesn't mean it is. Check regularly.
I think at some point I may still re-install everything just to make 100% sure. But not today.
Phew! And thank you, employer, for free help. Of course, had it not been free I should have charged it to the department, as ironically I think that checking my university email from home may well have been involved in the initial problem.
[ETA: Have nominated for Yuletide, adding to my list (though it is already there) "The Prisoner of Zenda". Rupert/tight trousers FTW!]